I like Chinese

Today you find me waxing lyrical about my host's plus points. Yes, they'll happily mow you down with their mopeds and yes, they'll cheerfully block a pavement by parking their car actually on it but before I go getting on my high horse let's consider the wonders of China and the Chinese peoples.
And while we're at it let's not forget that perhaps I have faults of my own. Yes, my one reader, I'm not so blinkered that I don't realise that, contrary to what every one of all my three friends would undoubtedly say, I am not perfect. Maybe I'll deal with that in a later post.  A post in which we can join hands as we set out together on an adventure, a journey if you will, to explore the Andy Brittain psyche. We'll stroll through the sunny glades of Andy Forest, bellyflop into Lake Brittain and quaff deeply from Andy B Fountain. Maybe not the last one. Unless you're a lady.
But hold fast ("hold fast!"what am I medieval all of a sudden?). Back to the Chinese peoples and their pros.
1. They throw nothing away. Everything is recycled. Shoes. Clothes. And for all I know, specs. But especially the cycles. When one breaks or goes wrong, they don't throw it away like we in the West do. They repair it. There are bicycles here that predate The Revolution (the bicycle puns just keep on coming). Nothing is wasted and you'll often see a 9 foot pile of cardboard seemingly cycling itself along the street to be recycled into more cardboard.
If you stand still too long a tiny little bent old man comes along, spits alarmingly and picks you up, puts you on the back of a 1911 tricycle (converted to an electric one by attaching the electric motor from a 1956 hairdrier and adding a battery the size of a tricycle - top speed 1.2 mph) along with other bits of old crap and cycles off somewhere to convert you into another tricycle. Sadly as they get richer, they seem to be embracing all the worst traits of a Western society so quite soon you'll be being flattened by an idiot on a shiny new bike instead of a rusty old shitheap.
2. They completely ignore Health and Safety. People take responsibility for themselves and if they die that is shrugged off as being generally good for the gene pool. Weeding out the dumb and unlucky. Luck plays a great part in Chinese culture. I mention it here but not as a plus point. It seems to hamstring them somewhat ("somewhat!" now I'm Edwardian). No one has a helmet (on their head) or drives sensibly. Indeed the roads are something of a free for all in which a long blast on the old horn is thought to render the vehicle indestructible and so can be driven completely without recourse to the, hitherto regarded as immutable, laws of physics. Specifically the parts of Newtons Laws of Motion that deal with the outcome of two bodies colliding.
And as for fireworks, every New Year the hospitals are overwhelmed by smouldering hoards of blackened revellers. I watched people planting a big box that in World War 2 could have been used to flip a Tiger onto  its back, into the middle of a six lane road and then retire a couple of inches to admire the artillery it unleashed. Cars simply drive round it. And not only was returning to an unexploded firework not frowned on, it seemed to be compulsory to pick it up and pop it in your pocket.
3. Look what they do to their dogs! Ha ha ha ha ha. When I saw this spectacularly silly display, I had to take a picture. The woman who's dog it was, also owned three other less idiotically coloured, yappy little wankers, which she proceeded to threaten me with. I was sat on some steps while these four tiny dogs yapped at me and bared their microscopically pathetic teeth at me. She went away when I laughed at them. Honestly. What did she expect? Her dog is bright pink and yellow and orange! People are NOT going to stare? Handsome white blokes are NOT going to take pictures?

Ha ha ha ha ha...wheeze...ha ha ha ha.....cough....ha haaaaaaaaaa

4. They have a refreshingly straightforward approach to the art of having a poo. They treat it as a normal bodily function that is nothing to be ashamed of. And of course they're right. I realise that I have an unusually severe case of anal retention and so I find myself envious of the way everyone just gets on with it. The loos at the office are even  designed to blast a jet of warm water at the old "rusty sherrif's badge" that I also admire and, once I'd got over the initial surprise, like. Sometimes I give it a blast even if I haven't had a poo.
5. They have a cool flag. Sweet.

That's all I can think of for now. I'm not going to go into how great the economy is because frankly it seems to be built on the backs of poor people doing things for a pittance. Also I'm no economist. If anything I'm an econopissed (for my American , and probably only, reader I  mean pissed as in drunk, not annoyed).

Brittain out.