I've done the lottery today.

I pretty confident I'll win it. So everyone start being nice to me or you won't get in the will. Why so confident? I'll tell ya. I got shit on by a bird. Not a nut-eating wren or a little berry-nibbling peewit. No. A fucking great ocean-going, seafaring, fish guts-eating, ice cream cone-stealing, seagull/albatross bird.

I estimate the shit was loosed from Angels 25 so it had easily reached terminal veocity well before it reached me and had started to break up. I think I glanced its final approach in my peripheral vision (I have excellent peripheral vision) and it seemed to make a whistling noise as it shot past my ear. Anyway part of it (a satellite portion of shit) hit my neck, but the mothership of shit hit my shoulder with a splatting noise. Another quite small satellite portion of shit struck my thumb and via the action of steering my car, was transferred onto the steering wheel of my car.

Anyway. All this is incredibly lucky so by tomorrow, according to the estimate on my ticket, I will have 10 million big ones. I think I'll splash out on a new cricket bat.

Look at my daft face all upset.